


Itachi's First Razor

by purplekitte



Category: Naruto
Genre: Multi, Shaving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-16
Updated: 2007-08-16
Packaged: 2017-10-19 09:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplekitte/pseuds/purplekitte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Itachi hits puberty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Itachi's First Razor

“What is it and what is it for?” Itachi eyed warily the item Leader had given him. It was sharp, but even he wondered if he could get it around to an angle to do damage.

“Your father never taught you this, did he? Before you killed him. I guess you were only thirteen.”

“I am only fifteen now. What should I know?”

“There comes a time when a boy becomes a man, when his hormones--”

“Kisame got me a book on sex ed for my last birthday.” Any less refined a person would have added _So can it_ , but Itachi was an Uchiha, so he managed to say it without the need for words.

“Itachi…” Leader reached forward towards him and the Uchiha instinctively flinched back. “Itachi.” He forced himself to hold still and let Leader do whatever he was going to.

The organization’s leader brushed his hand up Itachi’s cheek. “See?”

The S-class criminal was completely frozen, except for a shiver he wasn’t aware of. It took a minute for him to realize something had been said that required a response. “…what?”

“You need to start shaving, Itachi. Unless you plan to grow a sleazy villain mustache.”

Oh. Facial hair.

“I’ll show you how to.”

Pein’s hands on him, their bodies forced close together by the confines of the cramped bathroom… “I can do it myself.” The ninja’s fist closed around the razor’s handle and he stalked into the bathroom, closing the bathroom door behind him with almost a slam.

* * *

Leader tossed a wrapper over his shoulder onto the growing pile. “Tilt your chin so I can get the one under your ear.”

Walking around with Band-Aids all over his face and neck couldn’t possibly be more embarrassing than having bloody nicks all over the area.

“I hope this will teach you the value of listening to advice in matters of which you lack practical experience.” Oh, by the eternal flame and the youko’s nine tails, he was going to keep talking. “Puberty can be a scary time. You may find yourself undergoing severe mood swings to anger and depression and you may start having strong sexual urges when--”

“I am not having urges!” _Except to kiss you._ “And I’m not yelling!”

“The teenage years can be a trying--”

“I hate you! No one understands me!” Itachi stormed to his room and this time slammed the door with a satisfying boom. Unfortunately, Kisame was already inside.

“The lady said Leader-sama wanted to ‘nurture his paternal instincts’. She thinks he’s going to follow this with a request to bear his children.”

“Tell her to castrate him first.”

“Don’t be such a downer, Itachi-san. Was everyone in your family like this? Is your brother going to grow up emo or something?”

 _Dear Shisui, today I was mocked. Shisui…_

“Mangekyou Sharingan.”

Kisame suspiciously fell out of bed with a wad of blankets and ended up huddled under the frame.

“I’m going.”

“Where?”

“Out.”

He took the window to avoid more interaction. The Band-Aids were more itchy than painful.

“Maybe you should consider some facial hair.”

“What?!”

Leader leapt from a tree to the edge of the roof.

“It would make you look less feminine.”

“I am not girly!” yelled the ninja with the long, silky hair and the perfectly manicured, painted nails.

“That’s too bad… because I think you’re beautiful.”

 _Dear Shisui, I hope you’re holding my place in Hell, because I’m going there. I’d say ‘add another level to my reservation’, but I don’t think you can get any lower than I already am. Tell Cousin Kumon he wins that betting pool on my sexuality he had going. I trust that he, and you, know better than to mention it to Father._

Itachi was too occupied conveying his mental report to his dead cousin to be surprised or gaping. His teenage hormones kicked in and he launched himself into his superior’s lap.

“Touch me.”

“As a developing teenager, you may find yourself confused about your sexuality and expressing your sexual desires--”

Yelling “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you” would be rather puerile. But it would feel nice. He had been an ANBU captain at thirteen. How would an adult react? A proper, mature ninja would not loose his temper or dignify it with a response. Now how to shut the man up…

Evidently being bit on the tongue piercing hurt, because Pein was making the most delicious noises, masochist that he was.

“I don’t think this is going to help your chances with the Akatsuki woman.”

“But I’m not hurting my chances with you. I noticed two weeks ago when you dropped the salt shaker while passing it to me. But I’m just that good, so I can totally understand.

 _Leader’s ego does not need more encouragement and you have limited means of refuting it, with you in his lap and your tongue recently down his throat and you’re about to come in your pants like some… fifteen-year-old boy._ “Prove it.”

Pein chuckled, a deep throaty sound that brushed over Itachi’s skin with the promise of dark pleasures he couldn’t even imagine. “I think I can manage that.”


End file.
